Each and every one of us brings energy to our co-workers, loved ones, and even the stranger in line behind us at the grocery store. It would serve us all well to realize that the energy we radiate affects others' lives, and we need to be responsible for it.
Energy vampires are those negative people and situations in our lives that try to control our emotions by feeding off of our fears and insecurities.
They're all over.
We interact with them every single day.
We've all noticed how the energy of an entire room can change whenever certain people enter it.
How to spot an energy vampire
They leave you feeling drained after every conversation.
They want your nonstop attention and the conversation is always about them.
They may be charming, charismatic, and life-of-the-party personality.
They also may cheat.
They may lie.
And it’s probably someone else’s fault when something goes wrong.
These are some (but certainly not all) of the traits you might run across in someone who is an “energy vampire.”
“An energy vampire can never “steal” energy from us unless we consciously or unconsciously permit them to.” ―Mateo Sol
Essentially, an energy vampire could be anyone such as a friend, family member, colleague, acquaintance, child, son or daughter, or even a romantic partner. If you’re a highly empathetic caring person, it’s also possible to actively attract energy vampires into your life.
Unfortunately, if you’re a highly sensitive person who doesn’t know how to set boundaries, it’s quite likely that you’re already surrounded by energy vampires left, right, and center.
5 Signs That You've Encountered an Emotional Vampire
Your eyelids are heavy, and you feel ready for a nap.
Your mood takes a nosedive.
You want to binge on carbs or comfort foods.
You feel anxious, depressed, or negative.
You feel put down.
To protect your energy, it's important to combat draining people.
How do you protect and take care of yourself if attacked
Energy vampires prey on others because they are in pain. However, the important thing to remember is that you are NOT responsible for resolving their issues. THEY are responsible for sorting out their struggles.
It’s vital that you learn how to “draw the line” and set boundaries around these types of people.
Here are the five main energy vampire types out there:
1. The "Yes, but ..." Vampire
These are people who when you’re giving them advice, respond by saying “yeah, but …” inserting some excuses. These are the type of people who will not want to take a hundred percent responsibility for their lives.
They want you to take responsibility for their decisions.
Why?
Because if something goes wrong, guess what?
They get to blame somebody else.
They love to be the victim and they want you to be their Savior.
Now you feel responsible for them.
Now you want to make sure that they succeed.
Now you want to make sure that everything goes well with them.
They got you!
There are some of the "Yes, but..." vampires who really don't know what they're doing or why and they are emotionally immature, they're not consciously aware or really care whether or not that they are sucking on your energy.
Set kind but firm limits.
Let them know early on in a conversation that you can only listen to them for a limited time period.
2. The Controller Vampires
The controller vampires actually know what they're doing. They know and they promote fear and negativity. They start to get you emotional. They have an opinion about everything.
They often start sentences with "You know what you need?" and then proceed to tell you.
You end up feeling dominated, demeaned, or put down.
Giving these energy vampires your emotions is like voluntarily giving them the remote control of your emotions.
No one can die your death so don't let them live your life.
So then how do you get back that remote control from the emotional remote control?
The secret to success is to never try to control a controller. Be healthily assertive, but don't tell them what to do. You can say, "I value your advice, but really need to work through this myself." Be confident, and don't play the victim.
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”―Jim Rohn
It's your choice.
You're not obligated to hang around anyone who is negative and makes you feel like you are being sucked dry or controlled.
3. The Constant Talker Vampire
Blah, blah, blah …
They love hearing their own voices. They don’t care what you think or feel. They are only concerned with themselves. You just have to listen to them. This can be frustrating, especially if you cannot even get one word in. Or they might physically move in so close that they're practically breathing on you.
These individuals don't respond to nonverbal cues.
You must speak up and interrupt, as tough as that is to do.
Avoid indulging them.
Some people make the mistake of pretending to be interested in what this vampire is saying.
This only sends the wrong message and encourages them to talk even more.
4. The Narcissist Vampire
Their motto is "Me first, You second."
They will constantly expect you to put them first, feed their egos, and do what they say – no matter what. They will also manipulate you with false charm, but will just as quickly turn around and stab you in the back when the fancy strikes them.
They're dangerous because they lack empathy and have a limited capacity for unconditional love. If you don't do things their way, they become punishing, withholding, or cold.
Keep your expectations realistic.
These are emotionally limited people.
Try not to fall in love with one or expect them to be selfless or to love without strings attached. Never make your self-worth dependent on them or confide your deepest feelings to them.
If you’re unable to cut away this person from your life right now, try to limit contact.
5. The Drama Queen Vampire
They thrive on creating problems. They are predisposed to theatrics and exaggerations. Their reactions are often over-the-top, and they can blow things out of proportion. A simple flue will be likened to a life-and-death situation.
They demonstrate a skill of trivial incident into a life-changing moment. They have a talent for making things bigger than they truly are. Until they can get the approval they seek, they will continue putting the show and performing.
They are addicted to negative emotions.
Often, their need to create constant drama is the product of a dark underlying emptiness in their lives. Also, they love seeking out crises because it gives them a reason to feel victimized (thus special and in need of love), an exaggerated sense of self-importance, and avoidance from life’s real issues.
A drama queen can't draw energy from equanimity.
Stay calm, and take a few deep breaths.
This will help you not get caught up in the histrionics.
Set kind but firm limits.
So, refuse to take sides, pay attention to the patterns in their behavior, and the triggers that make you want to get involved. Create distance and remove them from your life if possible.
Taking care of yourself and your islands of stability
Your islands of stability are places where your life stops getting crazy and there are no storms of negativity. Find someplace that you can go to that is your place to re-energize. This is a place that could be anywhere.
Could be walking.
Could be hiking.
Could be the beach.
Could be playing video games.
Whatever gets your energy back after a long day!
You have a choice: you can be like the negative or you can be the positive one. If you want to change your life and you want to change the people around you, be the light of hope, be the light of joy, be the light of peace, be the light of love.
If you do that, can you imagine how awesome things will be for you and others around you?
So, I challenge you! Go out!
Shine your light upon the world!
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Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this article and found something to take away with you.
If you’d like more real-life examples of daily self-care, you can connect with me on Instagram.